When aging parents move in with you, it’s unavoidable that household dynamics will change. Regardless of how much help your parents need, having them in the home will impact how you feel in your own space. You may notice you have less alone time, spend less quality time with other loved ones, and have less personal space. With so many changes, it’s essential to set boundaries for yourself and your parents to maintain a peaceful household and your own mental wellness.
What is a boundary?
When it comes to wellness and relationships, a boundary is an invisible barrier that limits what is and isn’t acceptable behavior. Setting boundaries is an essential form of self-care. They might be physical or emotional; either way, they are a form of protection. They can positively impact relationships as they allow both individuals to show respect for each other.
Here are a few boundaries that an adult child might set when their aging parents move in:
- Maintaining a bedroom or living space as a private area of the home.
- Spending an hour alone after work.
- Avoiding specific conversation topics that might be upsetting (such as politics).
- Saying no from time to time.
- Allowing you to experience your emotions, regardless of whether they’re good or bad.
Sometimes, physical boundaries can be easier to communicate and enforce, whereas emotional ones can feel more abstract and challenging. When respected, however, they can be integral to a harmonious household.
Why are boundaries important?
Establishing and respecting boundaries is vital for everyone involved in navigating a new household dynamic. As a caregiver, it’s important to identify what you are and are not comfortable with. Without setting and enforcing boundaries, it’s possible that you will routinely feel violated or drained. Ultimately, this will impact your ability to act as a caregiver and can lead to caregiver burnout, which can have physical, emotional, and even financial consequences.
Tips for setting boundaries
While boundaries are a key component of your well-being, they’re not always easy to establish and enforce. Here are a few tips for setting boundaries that work for you and your parents.
Identify your needs
When entering a new situation, it’s important to take time to identify your needs. For some, it’s having a tidy, private space, while others need quiet time or have emotional needs. If you’re in a caregiving role, there may be certain elements of physical care that you’re not comfortable providing. By taking the time to reflect and understand what’s most important at this stage, you can feel prepared to start setting boundaries.
Prioritize your boundaries
One of the most challenging parts of setting boundaries is balancing multiple priorities. When you have your list of needs, you can begin to think about where to focus. Prioritizing your boundaries doesn’t mean that some are important and others aren’t. It allows you to know where to get started. Establishing several at once with your parent might be a lot for everyone to take in. If you identify one you’d like to begin with, you can layer in others after the first becomes part of normal life.
Communicate
It’s always important to keep in mind that boundaries have to fall within your control. For example, while you can’t stop someone from bringing up politics, you can excuse yourself from the conversation if it’s brought up. It’s important to kindly communicate to your parents what you need from them when it comes to respecting your boundaries.
Boundaries are personal to each individual, and determining where yours should be placed comes down to your own comfort level. Some may keep tight boundaries around their space but feel comfortable in emotional conversations. It’s OK if your boundaries change over time as you move forward in the caregiving journey. Just be sure to clearly and calmly communicate these needs to your parents.
Challenges of setting boundaries
Having to communicate your boundaries can cause feelings of guilt and stress. If your parents are new to the idea, there may be some resistance. Depending on your family background, enforcing boundaries may feel unnatural or be seen as disrespectful. It may take practice to begin implementing them in your day-to-day life.
Another challenge comes from the maintenance needed to upkeep or reevaluate boundaries. They require regular reflection and communication. As time goes on, you may need to establish more or feel comfortable loosening some.
When aging parents move in with you, it’s normal to feel a range of emotions. Navigating a new living situation and a change in relationship dynamics can take time. Setting boundaries can ease transitions and help all household members live harmoniously.
