Holidays are important times for families. Maintaining decades-old family traditions is often a high priority, and it can seem unimaginable to deviate from our comfortable and comforting family rituals. Unfortunately, some of our longtime holiday traditions become stressful, exhausting, and even upsetting for loved ones with dementia. However, with thought and flexibility, families can continue the festivities while ensuring a dementia-friendly environment during holiday events and celebrations. We’ll explore five ideas for making sure everyone in the family enjoys the holidays.
Involve your loved one in holiday preparations
Your loved one with dementia may have run the show at holiday events in years past. It may feel strange to them — and to the entire family — if they can’t do so any longer. Involving them in what they can do helps them know they are still a valuable part of the family and the work that goes into the holiday. Try to remember that it’s not as important for it all to be done perfectly as it is for them to feel they can contribute and are valued.
For instance, if Mom always cooked the entire holiday meal, ask her to do manageable pieces of the preparations, like setting the table, stirring the gravy, or even simply sitting in the kitchen tasting dishes. Ask if you’ve got it just right. If Dad always sits at the head of the table carving and serving the meat, have it sliced and ready for him to serve a piece to each plate that gets passed down the table.
Set aside a calm, quiet area
Activity, people talking all at once, fun, and laughter: Those things that brought your parents or grandparents so much joy in years past may be overstimulating and confusing to them now. Dementia makes it not only difficult but exhausting to process and filter sensory information.
Think of all the hugs, sights, sounds, aromas, and flavors you experience during your holiday gatherings. We process it all easily, but family members with dementia likely are not able to do so anymore. Spending time in the midst of the celebration may not be enjoyable for long. Set aside a quiet, comfortable area where they can feel like they are part of the fun but not be overwhelmed by all that’s going on.
If possible, reserve a room where they can sit quietly or lie down to rest if they become overwhelmed and need to escape for a while. Try having one family member join them for a one-on-one visit or keeping visits to a few people at a time. They may enjoy this special time with an individual or small group much more than feeling lost in the larger group.
Limit the duration of the holiday event
Your loved one may delight in being surrounded by their family and interacting with the children and babies. If so, make sure they take part for as long as they enjoy it, but watch for signs of agitation or fatigue. When you see these signs, having a place for them to decompress can help, as mentioned above. They may want to join in again later, or perhaps not.
Limiting their participation to a small part of the day may be the best thing you can do for them. An entire day or even afternoon together with a crowd may be too much. Schedule your loved one’s participation during the time of day when they usually are most alert and engaged. If you know they are happiest and most energetic early in the day, have the holiday event, or at least their participation, during that time. It may not be how you normally do things, but it may mean the difference between your loved one enjoying the holiday and being upset by it.
Be flexible about location
Families often have traditions about where holiday events are held. Maybe it’s always been at Mom and Dad’s, or perhaps everyone meets at a favorite restaurant. If a family member with dementia is now living in a care center, enjoying a celebration at the facility may be the best option.
Care centers and nursing homes often hold dementia-friendly holiday events and encourage family members to join. It may not have to take place on the actual day of the holiday. In fact, having just a few family members at a time visit for their own special holiday celebration, coming at separate times or even on different days, can be a wonderful way to celebrate together.
Help family members understand the need to adjust
Letting go of past traditions is hard. Even harder is seeing a beloved family member become less and less able to be a part of those traditions. If you are a primary caregiver, you have a clear understanding of your loved one’s limitations and needs. However, family members who live far away or don’t visit often may have unrealistic expectations about the changes you see every day. They may be in denial that the changes are happening at all or disappointed or angry that your normal holiday plans need to be changed.
Help family members understand and accept these changes by having honest discussions about your loved one’s condition before gathering for the holiday. Be clear that you want the entire family to enjoy the holiday but that an important priority is to make it as enjoyable as possible for the person with dementia without upsetting their routine and comfort.
Making holiday events dementia-friendly is achievable
Although you might need to make some adjustments to holiday traditions if a family member has dementia, there are still ways to brighten the season for your loved one and the rest of your family. Making your family holiday dementia-friendly for your loved one is entirely achievable. With simple planning and flexibility, the whole family can celebrate and enjoy the holidays together.
