When your spouse moves to a nursing home, it can feel like a colossal change, and in many ways, it is. There is a disruption of routine; you are alone in your house without your companion and may be worried about their well-being and chances for recovery and returning home. Your worry can quickly become stress, but there are positive ways to cope. Here, we go over tips for how to cope so you can ease the transition and ensure the well-being of yourself and your spouse in a nursing home.
What moving to a nursing home means for you and your spouse
A move to a nursing home suggests that your spouse has care needs that exceed what any other setting can provide, including living at home and receiving your help or that of a home care provider. This may mean that your loved one has a serious, chronic medical condition or a complication from an accident that has led to the need for nursing home care because 24-hour nursing and aide care is available in this type of facility.
With this circumstance, it’s likely the case that the spouse of the individual in need of care is extremely stressed. You may have been caring for your spouse and are either burning out or the responsibilities have increased beyond your skill set. In either case, you’re maxed out. Utilizing nursing home care means that your spouse will receive the care they need, and you’ll also get the relief you need.
Coping strategies for when your spouse moves to a nursing home
Caregiving for your spouse may have been a part of your life before their move to a nursing home. Although many of those responsibilities are relieved, you are still a caregiver, and the stress of having your spouse in a nursing home is a different type of challenge.
Some nursing homes may seem to have unappealing environments. You may fear that the nursing home will not provide the same level of care you did. This fear can cause a great deal of anxiety about how your loved one is doing psychologically, and you may worry whether the nursing home is meeting their health needs. Managing your emotions and using coping strategies are critical to maintaining your own health and having the energy to advocate and be with your partner in a meaningful and supportive way during their nursing home stay.
Acknowledge your feelings
You may have various feelings, including anger, disappointment, fear for the future, loss, loneliness, guilt, sadness, and helplessness. As difficult as these emotions are, you should recognize they are a normal response to the upheaval a nursing home admission can cause. You may feel as though you have given up on your spouse and feel shame about the decision to place them in a nursing home. It will be hard, but try to accept your feelings without judgment, and know that even though your decision was challenging for both of you, it was the right one at the time.
Seek emotional support
You will need emotional support during this time of transition. Reach out to friends and family who will listen and can often offer valuable advice. You may be surprised to find out you aren’t the only one who has gone through this experience. If you feel you would benefit from professional help, don’t hesitate to seek the support of a therapist or counselor.
Stay involved with others outside the nursing home
In your desire to improve your spouse’s stay in a nursing home, you may neglect your friends and family. A full-time job can add even more urgency to the situation, as there are only so many hours in a day. However, even calling friends on the phone or arranging a video chat can help you stay connected and engaged. Close relationships can provide support and care, improving your mood and helping you feel less alone while your spouse is in a nursing home.
Practice self-care
Caregiver burnout is possible when your spouse is in a nursing home. To recharge your emotional battery, continue to engage in activities that bring you pleasure and relaxation. Hobbies, exercise, listening to music, yoga, and meditation are all restorative practices. Don’t feel guilty about the self-care practices necessary for you to manage a challenging situation while maintaining your well-being.
Be proactive and advocate for your spouse in nursing home care
Advocating for your spouse in a nursing home benefits both of you. Being proactive and engaged in care decisions will give you a sense of control over the situation, and your loved one will benefit from better care and from knowing you are involved in their care. Do what you can to make your spouse’s experience more pleasant by personalizing the room and bringing friends and family to visit.
Spend quality time together
Arranging quality time together can be challenging, especially if your spouse is in a shared room. However, there are ways the two of you can be together, even if it may feel awkward at first. Try to be positive and go outside the nursing home if your spouse can leave safely. Plan topics to discuss and activities that can pass the time and bring enjoyment for you both. You might also consider attending some of the nursing home’s activities or events together. This can help you connect and the other residents, which can be especially helpful if your spouse is in the nursing home for the long term.
Take care of financial or legal matters
As practical as this may seem, attending to financial and legal matters can reduce stress. Nursing homes are expensive, and you want to protect your assets and estate. Consult an estate planning attorney to tie up any loose ends. Make sure you have health care power of attorney and living will documents. If you already have them, update them as needed. Keep your spouse informed and involved in all decisions if they can do so.
Moving a spouse or partner to a nursing home may be the last thing either of you wants or expects. You will experience some emotional upheaval, but remember you are in this together. Caring for yourself will bring a steady hand to a difficult situation, so your spouse in a nursing home can get the help they need to remain healthy and safe.
