Caregiving is an act of love and dedication. However, caregiving also brings challenges that can lead to resentment for the caregiver. This article delves into the common occurrence of caregiver resentment, exploring its causes and effects and how it impacts not just the caregiver but also the loved one and their relationship.
What is caregiver resentment?
Caregiver resentment is a buildup of negative feelings like anger, frustration, distress, irritability, fatigue, and impatience caused by the stresses of caregiving. The caregiver may direct this resentment toward the loved one receiving care, other family members, health care providers, or even the system in general.
Overwhelmed caregivers might think, “I never have time for myself anymore,” “No one realizes how much I do for my loved one,” or “I don’t get any support or help from anyone else in my family.” These thoughts can trigger a buildup of negative emotions leading to resentment.
Why does caregiver resentment develop?
Caregiving for a loved one involves enormous responsibility, with the caregiver taking on many different roles and often making a huge lifestyle change. As the caregiver moves through these roles and changes, resentment may build up inside them, which is stressful and exhausting.
Caregiver resentment may develop from many sources, including:
- Overwhelming responsibilities and tasks.
- Lack of support and appreciation from family members and friends.
- Confusion about navigating the health care system, insurance, resources, etc.
- Financial strains and limitations.
- Loneliness and isolation.
- Sacrifices and compromises made in the caregiver’s personal life.
- Guilt.
- Sadness in watching the loved one change and decline.
- Hostile, mean, or difficult behavior from the loved one.
Caregiver resentment may differ from caregiver to caregiver, as each caregiving situation is unique. As resentment builds, a caregiver might feel overwhelmed and underappreciated. They may experience anger, irritability, or even envy of others around them who do not have caregiving responsibilities. All these emotions may eventually lead to caregiver burnout.
Effects of caregiver resentment
As caregiver resentment builds, the relationship between the caregiver and the loved one receiving care can suffer, as can the quality of care that the loved one receives.
Emotional effects
Caregiver resentment may cause the caregiver to grow increasingly distant from their loved one, neglecting important emotional connections in the relationship, such as listening, providing comfort and reassurance, and showing empathy toward the loved one. They may even end up withdrawing from the relationship with the loved one. Consequently, the loved one may lose trust in their loved one and end up feeling isolated and alone, insecure, anxious, guilty, sad, depressed, and angry.
Impact on communication and relationships
Caregiver resentment can deteriorate communication between the caregiver and loved one and consequently damage their overall relationship. As a result of the resentment, the caregiver may demonstrate decreased patience, less engagement, argumentativeness, emotional distance, and an altered communication tone. The quality of the relationship between the caregiver and their loved one can become strained, less rewarding, and distant. Both sides might feel unappreciated, misunderstood, and even confused as to the state of the relationship.
As the relationship continues to change, the break in its stability can foster insecurity, trust, and fear about what is happening. The caregiver and the loved one may no longer feel the bond and sense of comfort that existed before resentment impacted the relationship.
Effects on the quality of care
Caregiver resentment may also lead to increased fatigue and emotional exhaustion. Sometimes, the resentment may cause the caregiver to perform caregiving tasks with little or no genuine engagement or warmth. When the caregiver performs the physical care with less connection, attentiveness, and responsiveness, the quality of care can suffer. There is an increased risk of missing important details, changes, and needs in the state and care of the loved one. The caregiver may have less motivation to follow best practices and provide a higher level of care. Care might become inconsistent, rushed, or abrasive.
As the quality of physical care deteriorates with increasing caregiver resentment, the quality of life for the loved one can also deteriorate. The loved one might experience:
- Increased vulnerability, such as a higher risk for falls, accidents, or injuries.
- A decline in their health condition due to missed medications, treatments, or appointments.
- Neglect in personal hygiene, inadequate pain management, or the development of pressure sores from improper positioning.
- Delays in the recovery process.
- Compromised nutrition and hydration, leading to decreased energy levels, immune function, and overall health.
The importance of working through caregiver resentment
Once the caregiver recognizes, confronts, and works through caregiver resentment, they can enact transformative changes in the relationship, ultimately paving the way for renewed connection and understanding with the loved one.
Together, the caregiver and loved one can find:
- Improved communication with healthier and more supportive conversations.
- A stronger and renewed connection, where both parties feel valued and understood.
- Increased empathy and understanding toward each other.
- Stronger trust and improved feelings of security and comfort.
- A new partnership with shared coping and problem-solving strategies.
It’s important for caregivers to find support and take time for self-care so they can ensure their own well-being while giving the best care possible to their loved one. It could be helpful to seek out caregiver support groups, listen to caregiver support podcasts, and ask others for help with their duties. Respite care may also be an option for caregivers to take some time off from their responsibilities to recharge or tend to other aspects of their lives. With the right support, they can overcome the challenge of caregiver resentment.
Please know that many caregivers experience resentment. While it can strongly affect the lives of the caregiver and the loved one, addressing and overcoming this resentment can help foster a renewed and stronger bond with their loved one.
