As we age, our relationships with those closest to us shift. For adult children who care for their parents, a change in relationship dynamics becomes especially prevalent. When a parent moves to a nursing home, the relationship shifts even more. Finding ways to stay connected through such a tumultuous time can be difficult. Here, we’ll explore six ways that you can continue to bond and connect with your parent despite a move to a nursing home. We’ll suggest ways that you can spend quality time together and overcome the obstacles presented by the change in living situation. With thoughtful planning, you’ll find new ways to deepen your relationship with your parent in a nursing home so you can have meaningful time together.
Set reasonable expectations
When thinking about creating meaningful experiences with your loved one, be sure to maintain reasonable expectations. Consider how your parent’s physical or cognitive abilities may have shifted and how that might impact your plans. Determine if there is a better time of day for you to spend time with them and a maximum amount of time that the visit should last. For some older adults, late morning may be the optimal time for a visit, but they might grow tired after an hour. Keeping this in mind will help you have the right mindset for an impactful visit.
Utilize nursing home amenities
Think about what the nursing home has to offer and how you can make the most of its services and amenities. Nursing homes have communal areas that you can utilize to bring your visit out of your loved one’s room to give them a change of scenery and pace. Consider spending time in areas like the following:
- Public living room: These communal areas have plenty of seating. You’ll likely have windows to look out of and books or magazines to leaf through while you chat.
- Outdoor patio: Weather permitting, getting outdoors is a great change of scenery. Sunlight can help boost mood, and feeling a nice breeze or hearing birds chirp can be grounding.
- Dining room: Changing the venue from their room to the communal dining room can offer enough of a change of pace, and if you’re visiting between meals, it can offer a quiet space to chat along with table space to look through photos or do other activities.
- Private conference room: If one is available, you can visit in a room like this to enjoy some one-on-one private time there if your parent has a roommate in a semiprivate room.
You can also check with the activities director about available games or activities for residents and family members. You might ask about:
- Board games: Great for a lighthearted way to spend time that offers a topic of conversation in the games themselves.
- Puzzles: Choose a puzzle your loved one would enjoy, whether it’s a number challenge in a sudoku or a word challenge in a word search or crossword puzzle, and you’ll not only spend quality time with your loved one, but they’ll get a cognitive workout, too.
- Art activities: Even simple art activities are great, and they also offer an opportunity for conversation while you create your art.
- Scheduled activity programming: Attending one of the facilities’ planned events requires no planning on your end. Just arrive prior to the start of the activity, go to the activity room with your loved one, and enjoy.
In keeping your visit to the nursing home, you’ll reduce the stress your loved one may feel by traveling or going to an unfamiliar place. This lets you both relax and focus on what matters most — spending time together.
Schedule regular, realistic visits
Here, we mention two important aspects of visiting with your loved one: Aim to make your visits both regular and realistic. Regular and realistic visits will look different for each family and can evolve as time passes and circumstances change. Give thought to both, and reassess your visiting schedule often to ensure it aligns with your lives.
To create a regular and realistic visitation schedule, consider your life obligations. Remember that you have your own life to live. While adding spending time with your loved one to your routine, be sure to devote time to your personal responsibilities, hobbies, and social schedule. Those who live far from their parent’s nursing home may find it challenging to make the drive on a daily or weekly basis. On the other hand, those who live close by may feel like they should visit so often that it can take up much of their free time.
Only you can determine what is a comfortable regular schedule. Identifying what works for you and knowing what to expect about how often you’ll visit can put both you and your parent at ease.
Bring familiar activities
When you’re considering what to do together, familiar activities can often be comforting and encourage reminiscence. Activities your loved one is familiar with, such as looking at photo albums, listening to familiar music, or watching favorite shows, will help your loved one feel comfortable. Think about activities your loved one previously enjoyed and how they could be adapted to meet their current abilities.
If you’d like to spark interesting conversation, consider watching a TV show that airs during your scheduled visits or bringing a tablet to stream a show you’d both like to watch. You can also show your parents pictures of you and your family members. Did you recently rearrange the furniture in your home? Snap a few photos and show them the before-and-after pictures. These seemingly small conversations and activities can serve as bonding opportunities and promote conversation from one visit to the next.
Find opportunities to experience something new
One of the best ways to bond with anyone in your life is to experience something new together. This encourages deeper emotional connection and conversation. Consider trying new activities or learning something new together with your loved one. Travel videos, virtual tours of museums, crafts, and poetry are all great ideas to consider.
Some may worry that nursing homes are lonely, isolated environments, but in reality, they maintain a vibrant activity calendar to keep residents engaged and connected. Visitors are often invited to participate in these events. Find out the activity schedule in the nursing home and, if possible, visit when there’s an event you can attend. Your participation will likely inspire your parent to do the same. You can connect with other residents and staff members as well as encourage your parent to form new bonds.
Take time for yourself
It may come as a surprise, but in order to feel open to connecting with your loved one, it’s vital that you have time for yourself. Maintaining time to relax and unwind will help you avoid caregiver burnout and feel more emotionally available when visiting your parent in a nursing home. To start, it could be as simple as taking a few deep breaths before going into the nursing home before your visit.
It’s normal to feel a strain in your relationship after a parent moves to a nursing home, and it’s okay to grieve the loss of your previous relationship. However, by being intentional about your visits, you can find new ways to bond with your parent in a nursing home.
